38 Days/5 Weeks and 3 Days Post Mirofracture Surgery

I have to admit it, I'm impressed with myself.  Sometimes I can be my biggest skeptic.  I know I'm strong and that I have will power.  I just can't believe how much! 

Sometimes I wish that I could be as positive out loud as I am in my head.  There is an amazing little voice in my head that is constantly telling me to try harder, to move forward to not fear the next footstep.  If I start doubting myself, feeling scared or worried about what might happen I start talking about it to my husband or friends and it's like having an out of body experience where I start hearing how ridiculous I sound.  Call it ranting, venting, whining, complaining, verbalizing fears or anxiety.  Call it what you will but for me it's just a means for dissolving my fears.  It works instantly and before I know it I have that positive little voice in my head again.  I know you know that it must exist.  There is now way that I could have become any kind of a runner without possessing that little voice.  That little voice my friends is my will.  My will to succeed.  My will to conquer, my will to be.

At 35 days I came home from visiting my Ortho with a green light to start trying to bear weight on my left knee.  In our family room my husband stood nose to nose (Ok my nose to his neck) and for the first time in  weeks I put my crutches aside and put my left leg down on the floor.  Most of my weight was on my right foot but I forced myself to try to shift some to the left.  I felt my husband wrap his arms around me and he swayed as if we were dancing with a huge smile on his face.  With tears in my eyes and a smile on my face I knew I was entering a new phase in my recovery.  My husband continues to be my dance partner in life through the good times and the bad the same way that he stood next to me and stole my heart 11 years,   4 months   and 16 days ago when we danced our first dance.

The following day at 36 days I started to walk around the house using both crutches to help shift my weight.  It got to the point where it seemed too easy so I ditched one more crutch half way through the day and started to walk around using one crutch.  Making my left leg go down to bear weight is like asking a sane person to slowly stick their hand in an open fire and hold it steady.  Yeah, it's close to impossible.  Once I start feeling any kind of pain my leg instinctively wants to jerk up or shift the weight back to the other leg.  Every step I take is intentional.  I think I'm progressing faster than the norm but you never know if there are set backs or plateaus in one's progress.  Ideally a person should be walking pain free with no limp anywhere from 7-9 weeks from the time you start to bear weigh on the leg.  That puts me at 12-14 weeks post op.  Really though, I think I can accomplish it sooner.  I'm not saying it will be easy.  I'm just saying I think I can do it sooner.

I am now on day of two walking with just one crutch and by the end of the night my legs are dead tired.  Despite it being my LEFT leg that had the surgery, it's my left leg that is exhausted these days.  My right hip is also looking a little swollen and feeling quite tight.  My right calf burns constantly when I try to walk and most of the time ends up tightening into a rock from all the new activity.  I really think if I weren't suffering from all the side effects from being on crutches for 5 weeks, the dormant left quad, the super tight left calf, the sore shoulders and the half asleep, I'd practically be walking already!

I was hoping to be Wonder Woman and possibly ditch the crutches in a day or two.  Well that's not going to happen!  My arms start flailing and I start limping to the point where it's just too painful and tiresome.  I'm not discouraged though.  Very soon I will be crutchless!  I know it!

Well tomorrow I'm off to see The Wizard of with my family and I hope I can manage to stay on one crutch most of the day.  Like always, I probably will make it through 3/4 of the day and then be looking for the other crutch!

 

35 Days/5wks Post Micro Fracture Surgery

Today I had my second appointment with my ortho since having had microfracture surgery and other articular cartilage repair.  At my first appointment I limited my questions to what the first 5-6 weeks post op were going to be like, mainly because I didn't want to focus on anything but that.  I tend to worry---A LOT and usually for no good reason.  Therefore in order to control my worrying and anxiety I decided not to ask or think about it for the next 4 weeks and just focus on range of motion, flexibility, caring for two four year olds and one two year old for the first 5-6 weeks of my recovery.

And that's what I did.  I spent 8 hours a day on a CPM (which I continue to do and will do for another week to 3 weeks if insurance permits), worked on heel slides, leg lifts and quad flexions.  I went from not being able to bend my leg at all post op to almost full range of motion in 5 weeks.  No weight bearing at all though, of course and yes I survived caring for the kids.

Last night (the night before my appointment) I was starting to freak out a bit because I had been praying to be able to just start walking by my 5th week.  My hopes were so high that I knew I better self educate myself on what weeks 5-15 post op might be like before I burst into tears at the doctor's office, sad and devastated  that I wasn't going to walk out of the office crutch free right then and there.

It's a good thing I started reading up on my recovery on line.  I found a blog of a high mileage runner that goes by Army Runner.  He is a very accomplished runner who documents his experience with his knee injury.  I read the WHOLE THING in one night.  I know, a bit obsessive.  I cried.  I cried a lot.  I realized how hard my recovery was going to be.  It would have been easier to have broken a bone or torn a meniscus or have had ACL surgery.  Ok, maybe not the ACL surgery but really, as he said, "it doesn't get much worse than this".

As I sat and read his remarkable story about how he recovered I began to accept the hand that God has dealt me. Finally I know all that's ahead of me and I am feeling like I know what I need to do. Tears are still welling up in eyes because I come to learn that after 5 weeks post op I won't be walking down Michigan Ave. any time soon enjoying the Christmas displays with my children and that walking will have to wait a little longer. First I will begin to bear weight on the injured leg while using crutches, a process that will take about 2 days. Then for the next several days I try to use one crutch and bear more weight until I'm successfully and without much effort using only one crutch. Finally, at most, hopefully, 2 weeks from today, I will be limping along, crutch free but in pain. Here is the part that kills me. Most likely I will not be walking pain free or limp free until about 9 weeks from today. Thank God I didn't know this 5 weeks ago. 14 wks post op doesn't seem so bad when you have already accomplished 5 wks and have 9 to go.

So that brings me to today. My Ortho's PA checked my leg flexion and extension and worked my knee back and forth. She had me lie down and tighten my left quad from my injured knee. I asked her where it had gone??? She said it had shut down and was taking a vacation, apparently quite normal for some patients. I will be having some electrical stimulation on that quad. I'm not looking forward to that at all!

She then told me I was in great shape and then cheered me on a little (I'm sure they say stuff like that to all the patients) and said that because of my leg strength, athleticism and muscle tone in my legs, I have recovered real well from the surgery and that they expected nothing less of me.

You must be thinking, "Oh my God this chick is so full of herself". Well if you compare me to who was in the waiting room you'd think I was an Olympic athlete too! The waiting room was full of patients that had been bused from a nursing home! I could tell I was one of their favorite patients that day as well as easier to deal with because they were laying it on thick! My ortho even proceeded to tell me what a long day these seniors make it for him. I was waiting for him to bring out the coffee along with the chit-chat! Well, it's good to be liked I guess! Somehow I know I'll be like that 84 year old patient he was telling me about that was begging him to operate so that she could be more mobile. He refused and said that she was 84 and that she'd LOSE her leg if he operated on her at that age! Apparently she comes in once a month to beg, the poor woman!

Anyway, the doctor tested my quad strength with some resistance and then basically said I was definitely ready to start physical therapy! He basically outlined the exact recovery as Army Runner had blogged about so I was not taken by surprise at all. I told him about my fears of learning to walk again and he told me I was the only one who could decide when to push myself to take those steps. He proceeded to tell me that I would have to coach myself a lot through this time since PT was only going to be 2 to3 times a week and that I wouldn't be seeing him for another 4 weeks.

Before I left I had to ask some questions that I needed to know the answer to. The first was, "Do you have any way of telling when this accident happened? How long could I have been running like this and not have known it?" The answer totally took my breath away. He responded by telling me that there was no carbon dating available for these things (haaahaahaaa) and that it was nearly impossible to give a time frame since I'd never had an MRI before as a frame of reference. He gave scenarios like, it could of been a genetic thing where a piece off cartilage just wasn't ever attached real well, to examples of childhood injuries that could have caused it. I still can't believe that this could have happened YEARS ago or just months ago. I do know that if it wasn't caused from a genetic flaw that it was a traumatic blow to the knee. I will never know if it was because of a childhood injury (have you seen my knees???), a car accident I had (I've been in a few), playing volleyball, slipping on ice or falling knees first on the floor after tripping over a Bakugan toy or doll stroller. I must accept I will never know but at least I know that running is the least likely cause of the injury.

Now for question 2, my life altering question number 2. Gosh I hate question number 2 and wish I hadn't asked it. You know why I wish I hadn't asked it? Because I know the answer to it already lies deep beneath the layers of my gut. "Will running put me at a higher risk of re-injury? Could I ruin the repair that's been done by running again?". His answer, "Yes." He told me that he wished I would rather take up swimming or biking. But that it didn't mean I “couldn't” run. It would be a risk I'd have to decide was worth taking. He leaned toward saying that I should live my life the way I want, but then quickly changed the direction of the conversation to basically telling me that if we ever get to the point of re-injury, than that is when we'll talk about what I could and couldn't do.

If you know me well, you know I'm not a risk taker. Nope, I don't take big or unnecessary risks. I worry too much about what could go wrong so I don't enjoy taking the risk. For the first time in a long time I am going to have to think about taking a risk. My injury if reinjured could potentially affect the quality of my life. I may end up having to go through this kind of surgery and recovery all over again, have a cadaver transplant or worse yet, have to deal with pain in my day to day living for the rest of my life. But if I don't run I will also be miserable. I know that it is the only way I can delay/prevent diabetes, somewhat maintain my weight (I don't claim to lose weight but I know I don't gain more weight when I'm running) and the only way that I know to better my odds of living a longer life. I don't do anything else for my health as well as I know I can do this.

So now I think and think some more. Do I run and risk injury which will make me miserable or not run and go straight to being miserable???

I don't know how I will be able to handle the eyebrow raises of the people that I know and love when I tell them what I want to do. I don't want anyone to be resentful of my choices because I "chose this". I know that it isn’t just “my” quality of life we’re dealing with either.

We all get old and die. All good things come to an end. If that's the case, then isn't life too damn short to not try squeezing the pulp out of it? Yes, yes it is.

But before I rack my brain over what I should do, I need to focus on what is at hand. Tomorrow I will begin to bear weight on BOTH of my feet! Gooooo Me!!!